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All reviews - Movies (32)

Beauty or Something Unlike It

Posted : 8 years, 9 months ago on 29 September 2008 01:12 (A review of American Beauty)

On a dirty, lame-o disposition:
I know, this movie is so last decade! This has been aired on HBO for innumerable times and since it is that popular, I never bothered watching it anymore. Maybe it is just another teen movie, I told myself. And now I'm gravely mistaken. Lester Burnham (Spacey) is the shit! His psychotic perverseness is absofuckinglutely way overboard. His horny thoughts are sick: he jerks off in the shower and on the bed and he fancies drools over a super aggressive cheerleader, Angela Hayes (Suvari). But Mr. Burnham’s perverseness is super weird and titillating, he became factually mirthful.

On a bitch-on-wheels:
On the other hand, I fucking hate Carolyn Burnham (Bening) since everything about her is so infuriating: her constant nagging, her awful taste of dinner music, her freaking voice, her fucking facial expressions, and her impeccable covetousness. She made the role very likely for her and so the lady gets a ten for her fabulous (over)acting.

On cheer sex:
Suvari’s performance is ruthless, as well. She talks about fucking non-stop and in the end, she is this hornified cherub dying to be deflowered by a mentally depressed psycho, yes, Mr. Burnham. However, I’ve always liked Suvari. Though she projected a very sexy, naughty, bitchy role in American Beauty (she even showed her breasts for cripes’ sake), I still like her. She said, “I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.” And we all are ordinary. We are all at our worst.

On extreme opposites:
Jane Burnham (Birch) is very ordinary, at least for me. Her love story with Ricky Fitts (Bentley) is, however, stellar and that’s solely because of the guy’s coolness. An amateur videographer who vends and smolders pot and who thinks that there is beauty in almost everything in the world is surely a glorious find.

I’m giving this ten ailing stars since it sickened me in a very amusing manner. The finale of this movie is its climax. I adore the coiled fate of Mr. Durnham and how he was murdered in the last chapter. He flashed this eerie smile minutes before his brains got inoculated, as if he pulled off nirvana or something unlike it. The distorted rose petals scene is absolutely menacing. The Swastika plate literally had me on goosebumps. And the flying plastic video is purely amazing. But there’s negatives vibes: the yucky weight training and dysfunctional marriages.

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Saints and Sinners

Posted : 8 years, 9 months ago on 29 September 2008 01:10 (A review of A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints)

On unplanned procrastination:
In the beginning, maybe in the first or second chapter of the video, there's this semi-fuck scene and since I was watching in a bedroom with two other sleeping people (my Mom and my niece), I thought it was okay to watch it without skipping to the next chapter. But it was getting dirtier and so I decided to peek if my Mom was really slumbering (supposedly) and to my effing surprise, her eyes were open like hell. I instantly stopped and turned of the video player and prayed that she won't accuse me of watching too much "evil" films. It took almost a week to finally finish this movie.

On saints and sinners:
Happily, the whole of it wasn't entirely fucking, haha. It was about Dito Montiel's (Downey) reminiscence of his teenage-hood in Astoria, Queens, with his four lowlife friends and girlfriend, Laurie (Dawson). He lived a perfectly rotten life where thugs and punks roam in the neighborhood who vandalize graffiti on every wall. After a series of shitty events, he finally decided to pursue his dream as a writer in L.A. He left his parents and never went back for 15 years. Dito convinced himself that he has been saved from his friends' fate by his saints. He was able to escape the hellish grounds of his hometown. But then, he had to visit his gravely sick father, Monty (Palminteri), who still had a heavy heart against his own son. Little did Montiel know that his so-called saints were his friends who, in the end, were still there to look out after him.

On the lack of:
The entire movie was okay, but I was expecting more of Rosario Dawson's appearance since I likey like her in Sin City and 25th Hour. But since this is a flashback kind of movie, each actor's appearance depends on which tense is turned on. And here, there were more past tense than the present. Shia LaBeouf is brilliant here, though.

I’m giving this six sinister stars since I think it’s, somehow, worth the seeing. Guiseppe’s attempt to soften his brother’s Antonio’s heart as he lies down on the railways is super funny: he ended up in the coffin. Scottish accent is always love. Conversely, the never ending cuss words are irritating. Plus, the young Laurie is butt-ugly.

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